Dating Your Spouse
If you are not 100% committed to having an amazing marriage that will be fulfilling, healthy and happy don’t read this article. This will be hard and some times unappreciated work… In the beginning.

My marriage has truthfully been a struggle from day 1. There has never been anything easy about it and divorce has fluttered through my mind more often than I’d like to admit! Having said that, I love my husband more than anything. He is everything to me. I just would like to back my car over him…a few times. Everyone has their own personal struggles within a relationship. Its all about perspective. One thing first and foremost that we have to remember is that, chemically, physically, and emotionally women and men are worlds apart. The way we react to the same situation is different. Our needs are different. The way we approach life is different. The list goes on and on; parenting, finances, death, sex, romance, humor, socializing, etc. We will never see eye to eye on anything. What’s important is embracing that, taking yourself out of your own shoes and making an attempt to look through their eyes. It’s not an easy thing to do and almost impossible for some. The important thing to remember is that it is absolutely normal that you view the same situation from two totally different worlds.

The best way to approach your marriage is say to yourself, ” What would make me happy? What do I want out of this relationship? What would bring us closer?” You are the only piece in a relationship that you have control over. Now you could take this information to your spouse and say these are the things that would make us better. He/she may even agree. You may even make some great plans to change things. And then surprisingly, you are going to eventually end back where you started. They aren’t meeting you halfway, they aren’t as committed, the excuses go on. My theory is, pretend that you are on your own to completely fix this yourself and that your partner is completely incapable of any assistance whatsoever. Expect nothing and prepare to give 100%. Take that list you made and make them happen. All on your own. You need to be appreciated? Show your appreciation to him or her. You need more affection? Be more affectionate! You need quality time together? Make it happen! Eventually it will become a normal part of your marriage and will begin to mutually occur on its own…Eventually.

This is where the Date Night idea came in. When someone takes the time to plan something for someone and really put thought into it, the other person can’t help but feel appreciated and loved. Before we were married and still dating, we were always eager to do so much for one another because it was fun and exciting and we were wanting to really bait and hook that fish. Once the fish is securely on the line, the work is done. The mentality of “self,” takes over and it becomes “Why doesn’t “He,” do this,” or Why doesn’t “She,” do this.” Get out of that trap. In a marriage with “healthy,” individuals, if you put your spouse’s happiness before your own, you will be amazed at how quickly the happiness is returned ten fold to you. Too many times, we sit back and just get angry about all of the things he or she are not doing. Let that thought process go! It’s not getting you anywhere. You’re both going to get old and gray waiting for happiness or you will never continue on the path together. The thought process you need to adopt instead is “what can I do to make him or her happy?” or, “What could I do to make things better?” Lose your “self,” for a while. I guarantee, the happy “You,” will come back.

One of our major problems was “Time.” His time would be filled up quickly with work commitments, and friends. I looked at his calendar and saw how he had the majority of his “time,” set aside for work obligations and friends. I was very annoyed by this. After confronting him about it he just said, “People call and ask me for appointments or outings of one sort or another and I put them in my calendar and it fills up. I truly don’t plan any of these things I just get asked and put them on my calendar.” This got me to thinking. I am going to make sure I start actively pursuing and laying claim to my place on that calendar. This was right before our 25th anniversary. I completely planned out 12 creative, fun Date Nights and sealed them all individually in envelopes, and put them in a box. He gets to open one at the beginning of each month and must give me a date and time within 24 hours. I am on the calendar! Yes!

The point is planning activities that are geared towards the interests of your spouse/partner. This is something that you are doing for them to make them feel special and appreciated. The best part is you are in total control so you can still spice it up in such a way that you will enjoy it as well. For example: I love camping, my husband is not a fan and enjoys luxury and fancy hotels. So I created a date night of “Glamping.” This is short for glamorous camping. This could be the same if your interests are the opposite. If you look up Glamping you will find so many places it will shock you! The term Glamping refers to extreme luxury in an upscale camp-like setting. This usually includes some type of flooring, a large pre-set up “tent” with heat and/or air conditioning, your own private bathroom and shower and luxurious furnishings and decor. The one we stayed at for our last date night was a yurt. A yurt is a round canvas covered structure. We had a king sized bed, a deck with chairs, and all of the above. Absolutely beautiful.

I try to do something we’ve never done before so that its new and exciting for both of us. I love doing research and believe it or not, you would be amazed at how many “Date Night,” sites there are. They go from super simple and economical to extremely extravagant and expensive. I mixed it up a little bit but for the most part there was just a lot of work not expense. One of the best resources that I have found is www.thedatingdivas.com. They have some amazing ideas. I have also found quite a bit on Pinterest. I have taken some of their ideas verbatim and I have used some as a springboard into something unique and all my own.

Probably one of my favorite Date Nights was the very first one. This probably had to do with his reaction. I think he really thought it was going to fall flat, but he was definitely surprised! On our anniversary he opened the card marked August and in it he found a card that just said “Dinner in a Surprise Location.” He totally underestimated me. We happen to be fortunate enough to own a small warehouse in Downtown Toledo. There is a terrifying ladder that takes you to a tiny cubby hole with a lid on it in the ceiling of the top floor. This leads to the roof. Up to this point I had refused to go up there because of my fear of heights. This was my surprise location! I managed (with help on the big items) to drag tables, chairs, chafing dishes, a beautifully prepared dinner, wine, flowers, music, linens, china, candles and silverware up this terrifying ladder and on to the roof. He was at work waiting for my call to tell him where to join me. He just happens to work downstairs from where I was at. All I told him was come upstairs. It took him a few minutes to find me but when he did, he was beyond overwhelmed. We talked, drank wine, danced, lit and released Chinese lanterns, but most of all enjoyed each other in our own little private corner of the world.